byJenna?

Wortham

Thismorning,IgotanemailquotingfromtheforewordfromNeartotheWildHeart,thesensationalfirstnovelwrittenbyClariceLispector,anelusiveJewish-Brazilianauthorwhopublishedthebookattwenty-threeandthenallbutdisappeared,sendingtheBrazilianliteraryworldintoafrenzy。

NeartotheWildHeartisadeep-watersubmarine,exploringcavernousinteriorlives,andtherawandunfilteredpowerthatcomesfromreflectingonhowweperceivelifeandhowwe?

live。

Intheforeward,herbiographer,BenjaminMoser,writesthatLispectorhadafundamentallydifferentconceptionofart。

Itwaslessofanintellectual,orevenartisticpursuit。

Itwasspiritual。

“Thepossibilityofunitingathinganditssymbol,ofreconnectinglanguagetoreality,andviceversa,isnotanintellectualorartisticendeavor,”hewrites。

“Itisinsteadintimatelyconnectedtothesacredrealmsofsexualityandcreation。

Aworddoesnotdescribeapre-existingthingbutactuallyisthatthing,orawordthatcreatesthethingitdescribes:thesearchforthatmysticword,the‘wordthathasitsownlight,’isthesearchofalifetime。



As2014wounddown,Itookstockofmyself,tooknoteoftherelationshipsandimbalancesthatweremakingmeunhappy,andthenstartedtostrategizeabouthowtocolor-correctthem。

IstoppedwhiningaboutwhatIwantedmylifetobelike,andstartedtoinvestigatewhyIwantedwhatIdid,andthenbegantheprocessoffiguringouthowtomakemylifemirrorthosedesires。

2015wastheyearIforcedmyselfintoanentirelydifferentconceptionof?

life。

Putanotherway?

—?

likeTrinadoesonherguestverseonPitbull’s“GoGirl”:“Don’ttalkaboutitboy/Beaboutitboy”?

—?

2015wastheyearthatIcreatedspacetofigureoutwhat“it”meantforme,andthenstartedtounderstandwhatitmeanttobeabout“it。

”AllofthisisaverylongwayofsayingthatIdidn’thavemanyregretsthisyear。

Togetclosertoyourtrueselfmeansspendingalotoftimeinterrogatingyourcurrentself,lookingatthepartsyoudon’tlikeunderextremelysterilelighting,acknowledgingthem,thenmakingpeacewiththem。

Itwasnotpleasant,andalthoughIdidn’tfindtheprocessofself-excavationtremendouslyunpleasant,itwasn’tpainless,oreasy。

NottogetallChaniNicholsaboutit,butalteringhowImovethroughtheworldmeanslivingwithmyeyesfacingforward,honoringthepast,butleavingit?

behind。

Thatsaid,thereisaveryshortlistofthingsIdoregretaboutthisyear,andtheyarelistedbelow,innoparticularorder:

1。

Minutes(hours?

)spentintheparticularkindofspeechlesswhite-hotragethatonlytheInternetcan?

induce

2。

Learningaboutthedabtoolatetodoanythingcleverwithit?

/

3。

MycontinuedhyperdependencyonAmazonPrime,Seamlessand?

Uber

4。

SleepingontheRihannaAnti-Worldtour?

pre-sale

5。

Notdatingwomensooner。

Like?

whoa。

Giphfrom“A?

Message”

SaveYourselfistheAwl’sfarewellto?